The Birth Day

July 7, 2010

Three years ago I had a baby girl. Nothing went as planned. But three years later and my life has changed in ways I could never have imagined and in ways I would never change. All day on the 7th I was flooded with thoughts of her birth day. When I first saw her...and now I watch her in her little 3-year old body so capable, so wondrous, so adventurous, so much joy. She is a whole person. Not many years ago there was no her, and now here she is. Truly remarkable.

And on her birth day a new me was birthed. A mother me. The fears, the joys, the thoughts that run through my head on a moment to moment basis...it is all so bizarre. I've never lived a reality with so many contradictions. So amazingly thankful that I have her yet so debilitating fearful that something will happen to her. A yearning to be an individual, self-defined woman yet embracing the time honored tradition of motherhood. Proud of and loving my career and yet often want nothing more than to hang out with her. Fighting with her to go to bed then missing her when she is asleep (OK, while true that one is a bit maddening!) Motherhood.

Anyhow, too many thoughts to sort through on this blog. Here are a few pictures of how we spent her birth day...

Hiking, swimming, exploring Lake Tahoe

And because the first thing this child of mine asked upon waking on her 'actual birthday' was do I get cake for my actual birthday??